do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
