What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
