sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
