Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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