Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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