She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
