I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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