im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
