The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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