I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
