Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
