Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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