1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
