Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
this is an emotional support booty call
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
