I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
