grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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