Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
