What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
