Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize