Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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