I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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