I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
