nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
