We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
