he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
