Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
