I heard we made out
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
