You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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