the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
