I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize