Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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