John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
