The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's always time for handjobs
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
