Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Where did you get a picture of my penis
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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