Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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