Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
