i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
