I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
