I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
