it was like eating out sand paper
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
