We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
