I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
