Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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