Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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