Are we in a gay sports bar?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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