you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
