Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
