how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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