she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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