im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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