tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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