9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize