i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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