you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
