my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The feeling are messing with the penis
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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