Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
