You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
