no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
