I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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