she was so not down for the gang bang
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
