I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
