I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
