Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
