I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
