Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ladies don't puke and tell
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
