***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
