Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Randomize