I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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