You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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