you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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