Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
