Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
