Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
