what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
