I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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