a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
