maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
