based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize