Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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