She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
